5 Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Needs

by | Feb 22, 2021 | Latest Articles | 0 comments

Sometimes our house feels like a living, breathing psychology experiment. This month we have a 15, 12, 9, 7 and 1 year old. Everyday I interact with and observe different developmental stages. My daughters are 15, 7 and 1, my sons are 12 and 9. Everyday I see the evolution of growing up play out in front of me.

Having Connection Codes tools helps me understand this process and better know how to engage with it. Knowledge helps with understanding, understanding helps with connecting, connecting helps a home run more smoothly.

Here are 5 tools we use in our home to connect, communicate and address the daily needs of seven people and the home that houses them all.

-The Core Emotion Wheel. Our favorite time to do this is at the dinner table or as part of our bedtime routine. Another great time to use the Wheel is if we notice someone is flooded but not conveying from their core. Every time we use the wheel we learn something about our children that we most likely would have missed without it.

-Highs and Lows is another tool we often use at the dinner table, in the car or at bedtime. We just ask each person to name a high point of their day and a low point of their day. When we do this we often hear about moments we were not aware of and this helps us to know what all our kids are carrying each day.

-The Oooo as a tool to follow each other’s energy. There is a misconception in our culture that the appropriate response to a person’s emotion, or sharing of any kind, is to resist their energy. Resisting someone’s energy can look like arguing with them, trying to cheer them up, dismissing their emotion as silly or inappropriate, giving them advice, trying to make meaning out of their pain before they are ready for that step. Science shows us that if emotion is just regarded, if a person’s experience is regarded, (if their energy is followed so their experience can exist without judgement) then the emotion or pain can process through. If a person’s experience is not regarded then the emotion gets stuck in their body, making them sick and tired. The Oooo may be the most important relational tool one can use, with adults and children alike.

-Team Meetings. Sunday is a great day for a team meeting. At team meetings we discuss what went well last week, what did not go so well last week, what we have on our calendar for this week and how we can make that go smoothly. We also encourage the kids to give feedback during team meetings. They are allowed to (respectfully) express pain points and suggestions for solutions. Our whole life runs smoother when we consistently have team meetings.

-Quality Time. Kids want and need to feel seen, heard and known. They need to receive Identity, our most important human need, from us every day. Find at least 15 undistracted minutes most days to hold them, look in their eyes, hear their hearts and engage in an activity they value. Plan a “mama date” and/or “daddy date” with them once or twice a month, which just looks like a longer block of undistracted time to see them and hear them and perhaps engage in a special activity of their choice.

Raising children comes with many challenges and many joys. We have found these five tools to be an invaluable part of that experience. Have you tried any of these? What was your experience? If not, try one this week! We would love to hear your experience.

Join us for our March Connection Codes Parenting Webinar for solid science, personal stories and more parenting tools! Can’t wait to see you there!

With Love,


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November 20-21st          Minneapolis, MN

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